Letting Go
by Mokutou Sora
Summary: Perhaps things were really true once. But times change and the world changes with it. You try to close your eyes from the reality but sooner or later, your eyes would have to be opened and reality stares at you straight in the face.
1. Author's Notes

Letting Go  
By Mokutou Sora ( sora@inbox.lv )  
Angelic Layer · CLAMP 

**Technical Details**: 

This fanfic was begun August 21, 2002 and was ended at August 22, 2002. This was first written on a pad paper, then transferred onto a notebook and then finally typed into Word. **Angelic Layer** (including all its characters) belongs to CLAMP. This is just a fanfic. 

**Author's Notes:**

To be frank, I'm a bit nervous with this because it's my very first fanfic. I don't write often so for me finishing something is quite a breakthrough. I'm semi-proud of this but I'm still a bit unsure about writing anything related to romance. It's been a month since I've written this and looking back at it now, it doesn't seem as good as it used to but it's okay, I guess.  
I should write more.   
So. Onto the idea of the whole fic: I know some of you are really Oujiro and Misaki supporters—we-ell, I'm not one of them. I was going to turn this into a Mary Sue (Mary Lou? Whatever. I hope you get what I mean.) but I was advised against it. Maybe in a different story. To speak frankly, I don't find anything wrong with OxM. It just doesn't suit my taste that's all but I can live with it.   
But I wrote this fanfic immediately after watching Angelic Layer. I think I was still in my fangirl mode that time and wanted Oujiro for myself only. Oh well. Yey for fangirly-ness!   
This fanfic may be a bit OOC and feel a bit odd. I'm so sorry for that. I'll try and make another draft when I finally have the time because I'm now working on another fanfic which I also want to finish—hopefully.   
Anyway!   
I hope you guys enjoy this fanfic of mine! Comments would be appreciated. 


	2. Letting Go

**Letti ng Go  
By Mokutou Sora ( sora@inbox.lv )  
Angelic Layer · CLAMP**

Mihara Oujiro wasn't surprised when Shuuko spoke with him.  
"You have to let go."   
The first words spoken after a silence of thirty minutes. Oujiro gave a twisted smile and looked out of the window. They were in a small, quaint café. The glass windows were well polished and clean. The sky was so blue! Most likely Misaki would be—   
"Oujiro! You have to listen to me!" There was a note of frustration in Shuuko's voice.   
Oujiro turned and looked at her. His heart gave a small leap. How beautiful she was. He wasn't kidding when he talked to Misaki about his first love. Shuuko was wearing such a sad expression; the type she wore when she had to make a hard decision. Oujiro wished he could make it easier for her—but he couldn't. He looked down at his empty teacup.   
"Ou-kun!" Shuuko grabbed both his hands. The action caused him to look immediately back at her. Shuuko's eyes were brimming with tears. "It's hurting both of you! You don't have to force it! You cannot force it!" She gave her head a small shake, "You have to let Misaki go, Oujiro. It's you who has to let go—for both your sakes…"   
Was this how an angel felt if their Deus were in pain? The feelings Shuuko felt transmitted so plainly to Oujiro. He hated the fact that he could understand so well. Oujiro began to feel the terrible hollow he had been trying to avoid these past few weeks.   
He had to let go of Misaki. They did love each other but not in the way they wished they did, or rather, the way Oujiro wished they did.   
Misaki did love him.   
As a brother.   
Oujiro smirked at himself. How stupid he was not to realize that the feelings he harbored for her was that for a younger sister, not a lover.   
But they continued their charade anyway. It caused nothing but pain.   
No matter what they wished or how hard they tried, they couldn't deny what was truly happening; They couldn't deny what they truly felt.   
Misaki realized it first, when she began distancing herself from him.   
Oujiro knew he had to let go. He closed his eyes and tried to control the feelings that threatened to engulf him.   
"I understand, Shuuko-san."   
Shuuko gave him such a grateful smile and gave his hands a soft squeeze, "Arigatou."   
Oujiro couldn't bring his eyes to meet hers.   
He said nothing. 

* * * * * 

The sand felt rough under her bare feet but Misaki didn't care. Seeing Oujiro in this state pained her. It was her fault—if she'd only spoken sooner…   
"Gomen ne, Oujiro-san." Misaki felt her throat contract. Why did this feel so painful? She did love Oujiro. Very much. But as a sister loves a brother. Misaki wondered now why they even bothered pretending otherwise.   
"I—I should've been the one who spoke to you. I—I…" Misaki couldn't find the words.   
Oujiro turned and looked at her. He smiled and Misaki knew thatg she could not measure the pain he masked in there, "Daijoubu, Misaki. I understand. You needn't say anything anymore." He turned again, his back to her. He looked out at the sea. "In fact, I should be sorry too."   
He sounded so distant! Choking back a sob, Misaki walked towards him and hugged him. He stiffened at her touch. Misaki hurt. She leaned her forehead on his back. No tears could fall; She began to talk, "I couldn't leave you because I love you so much. I really love you—but not in the way…you seem so lonely, so sad…how could I find the heart to…" Misaki paused, "I wonder now why we even bothered to."   
Misaki felt Oujiro give a sigh and try to pull away. Misaki closed her eyes at the pain and said, "Don't."   
She felt Oujiro slump. "Misaki…" He took a breath, "I don't know why we bothered, Misaki. I can't understant it myself. Maybe it was just the place and time—just not the especially right one. Heh." His voice became strained. "It's—it's not like we have to worry about it anymore. It's all over, right?"   
Misaki felt cold allover. She dropped her arms and whispered, "Do you—do you regret that you love me?"   
Something in her voice must have struck a chord for Oujiro quickly spin around and held her tightly by the shoulders. His eyes were fierce and his voice adamant as he said, "Never."   
Misaki looked down at her toes, "I don't want to lose you."   
He kneeled down and held her to him softly. His closeness, his warm and caring love—a dozen might-have-been's flashed in front of her. But no, this was better. The way things now were better. She just has to get used to that. She closed her eyes and leaned into his embrace and spoke the words she knew she had to, "Daisuki, oniisan."   
Oujiro stiffened then relaxed after a split second. Time seemed to have stilled. He held her closer and then Misaki felt she let something inside him go. They both did what they had to. Misaki didn't know if she wanted to be happy or sad about it. Nothing would ever be the same between them.   
But it had to happen.   
Oujiro eased himself gently from her arms and looked into her eyes. She couldn't read the light his eyes reflected—but he was smiling. How wonderful he looked…   
He bent over and kissed her forehead. "Imouto."   
He stood up and began walking away.   
Misaki stood there, looking at Oujiro's figure, watching his shadow walk father and farther away. What was she feeling?   
Misaki's tears began to fall anew.   
No regrets. 

* * * * * 

Oujiro stared into the ceiling of his room.   
He let go, right? It was finished. Done for. He did what they both had to do. He closed his eyes and sighed. He didn't know if he was wise or a fool. There was a hollow feeling inside him and everything seemed to have little sense.   
But Oujiro knew he couldn't go back. There should be something different, something new between Misaki and him. There would be. Maybe it would be better for both of them.   
Maybe.   
At the moment though, Oujiro didn't care. He needed to forget.   
He sat up abrubtly and grabbed the only thing that remained unchanged.   
His Angel, Wizard.   
"Let's go play, Wizard." 


End file.
